I was first introduced to the False Apology poem through a book, Forgive Me, I Meant To Do It by Gail Carson Levine. Quite hilarious. At this time, there is one copy in the New Brunswick public library system that you can order in to your local library online if you live in New Brunswick. If not, check with your local library system.
Here's the format for a false apology poem:
Stanza 1: This describes the offence for which you are giving a (fake) apology for.
Stanza 2: What was the result of the offence? Write about it here!
Stanza 3: Hurray! It's time for the false apology! Don't be too nice.
The title is always This Is Just to Say.
Only the letters beginning the first line and the ninth line are capitalized.
Line nine is always "Forgive me."
Sound easy enough?
Alrighty then! Let us begin with a famous false apology poem by a man named William Carlos Williams that I am told he wrote for his wife after stealing plums from the icebox. I don't know how Mrs. Williams reacted, but I might have laughed, if it was me. It would depend on how much I had been looking forward to that fruit!
This Is Just to Say
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
And now, please endure, er, ENJOY a false apology poem written by myself:
This Is Just to Say
I've introduced you to false apology poems
and now you are addicted to writing them
and reading them out loud to everyone you see
no matter what time it is
Your family now hates me
and they hate this poetry style
they are sending you to a writing workshop
hoping you will learn how to write real poetry
Forgive me
please tell your parents
The writing workshop will not help
i am the teacher
There is so much you can do with this format. In the poem above, which I wrote spur of the moment, has a little surprise twist in it, which I love. And in William Carlos William's poem, you can just feel the naughtiness throughout the poem. Perfect. That is just how you want it.
For your amusement, I have enclosed a poem that I wrote on June 16, 2022.
This Is Just to Say
I am the one who put a frog
in your bed
and gum in your hair
i also dipped your hair in ink
you are mad
but now you look at me
with a glare
instead of looking through me
Forgive me
plaguing you is all the fun in my life
i loved hearing you squeal
when you got in bed last night
If you feel like breaking a few rules, you can change the number of lines in a stanza, use punctuation, capital letters, italics, anything that strikes your fancy, really.
One of the reasons I like poetry is because it is very orderly, as a rule. But sometimes, I like to break those rules. You could make your poem even worse than the one below, but this is enough for me.
This Is Just to Say
There is supposed to be a real
format
to a false apology poem
but I do not care
Sometimes breaking the rules of the format is satisfying
so go get some sleep, dear EDITOR,
for I will not be done soon.
Not a real poem? How dare you suggest such a thing!
Forgive me,
my sarcasm is oozing, and
my fake poems are all in a bestseller book now.
i am famous, better known than you, sir!
Want to write your own false apology poem now? Pull out your poetry notebook, pick a prompt below, and go wild!
You stole the last piece of cake. Write a (false) apology for doing so.
Your dog or cat used the bathroom on your mother's brand new, expensive rug. Write a false apology poem from your pet's perspective. Why did he/she choose that spot? Why not outside or in the litter box?
There is a very old story, a myth about George Washington. As the story goes, when he was very young, he was given a hatchet, and decided to try it on his father's young cherry tree. This made his father very angry, but he was proud when his son George admitted to what he had done. Write a false apology poem centred around this scenario. Perhaps George Washington's apology was not the sincere repentance his father thought it was.