Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider who sat down beside her,
and scared Miss Muffet away.
"That's not the way it was at all," sighed Mrs. Webster to her sons,
"Humans twist the story 'cause they want us to be the bad ones."
Mrs. Webster's sons quit fighting and sat down eagerly,
for the could feel storytime coming on, something they loved dearly.
"Long ago (for indeed it was long in spider years),"
—Mrs. Webster's eyes shone with tears—
"My mother was murdered by the cook and her evil broom.
Cook tossed her into the trash can, or what Mama always called Spider's Doom.
"We children were left unprotected, innocent, all alone.
Where our no-good father was, we'd never known.
In the following days, many of my siblings followed Mama swiftly to Spider's Doom,
because they weren't quick enough to avoid Cook and her dastardly broom.
"One day, I ventured into the nursery, hunting for a meal.
A girl (Maudie, her nurse called her) was hiding there, scarfing a piece of stolen veal.
It wasn't curds and whey—that stupid nursery rhyme gets hardly anything right—
My stomach was gnawing me to pieces, children, and I was an awful sight.
"I scampered up onto the ceiling,
checked and double-checked my anchoring,
and lowered myself by one shining, silvery thread
until I was dangling level with Maudie's head.
"I began swinging myself towards the veal.
One bite was really all I wanted to steal.
Maudie caught sight of me and began to throw a fit.
She screamed and she yelled, she simply would not quit.
"Cook stormed angrily into the room.
I hung from the ceiling, certain I was soon to join my mother in Spider's Doom.
My starving stomach filled with a new feeling—that of intense dread.
Cook swung her ugly weapon, snapping my shining, silvery thread.
"I sailed across the room, hitting the wall hard, dropping behind the baseboard.
'Good riddance!' Cook roared.
I lay silently, dazed and extremely scared.
I couldn't've come out even if I'd dared.
"I was entangled in some spider's dusty, forgotten thread.
I'd never get free. I was as good as dead.
As I lay despairing, I heard a curious pattering.
Something was hastening towards me. Whatever it was, it was running.
"'Just eat me quick,' I heard myself beg.
Suddenly, it was there. The Thing came to a lurching halt when it tripped over my leg.
The Thing was in fact a handsome spiderling, hardly older than me.
When he spoke, his voice was kind. "Mightn't I help you, Missy?"
"At his voice, my fear melted away.
With his help, I'd be free to live another day.
He was so very gentle, so very kind.
A smarter spider I'd be hard-pressed to find.
"The worst experience I'd ever had turned out to be the best day of my life,
for not long after, the handsome spider who saved me asked me to be his wife."
Mrs. Webster patted her husband, love shining in her bright black eyes.
"Our story continues on, but it's time for bed now, children. Say your beddy-byes."
"Oh no!" the children cried.
"Oh yes!" their mother replied, looking very mischief-eyed.
"If you're good, tomorrow I'll tell you about the time your father was swallowed by a trout.
Believe me, your uncle and I had quite a time getting him out!"