I have two laugh worthy poems for you today. The first poem, titled herein as Perplexing Plurals, came to my attention in an email from Steve Laube. He does not know who wrote this poem, and neither do I, unfortunately. I wish I did, so that I could give credit where credit is due. If I ever find the true owner, I shall credit him or her.
Perplexing Plurals is the stand-in title I decided to go with, as I am not certain what the real title is, or if one exists.
I have often wondered why when you have more than one goose they become geese, and how come when you have more than one moose, they do not become meese. The second poem, titled Perplexing Plurals II, is of my own invention, bemoaning our strange language we like to call English. Seriously, though. How come moose plural isn't meese?
Perplexing Plurals
Author Unknown
We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
The one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him,
But the plural is not the, this, or thim!
Perplexing Plurals II
Written By Lilyana Page
If you take one goose and you find him a friend,
You say you have two geese.
If you have one moose and you find him a friend,
Why, oh why, don't the two become meese?
Truly, meese it ought to be.
Meese, geese, moose, goose.
Logically, this is the way it should go, if you ask me!
But English is a language of confusing conundrums.
Octopus plural become octopi.
Is it possible that moose ought to be moosi?
Meese, moosi, meesi?
Why, oh why?
Cow plural become cows,
Perhaps moose ought to be mooses.
Meese, moosi, mooses, moesis?
It is interesting all the things English language allows.
Beef plural become beeves.
Perhaps moose ought to be mooves.
Meese, moosi, mooses, moesis, mooves?
I rest my case.
Meese it ought to be.
Not moosi, mooses, moesis, mooves.
English is inconsistent to say the least, so why not meese?
I rest my case.